Just keep the Journey Going...

 I thought about starting over....a whole new landing page for my blogs and writings. However, the more i thought about it, the more it just didn't feel right. Just because my season has changed and things are very different, it doesn't eliminate the seasons of the past. It doesn't diminish the power of the lessons i have learned over the last 6 years and the growth that has taken place. I have said it before and if you know me on a deep level you know this, literally since i was old enough to write, i have. I have kept journals virtually my whole life from the age of probably 8 and still going strong. I have boxes of these journals and  have kept them all. I also have used blogs to capture my thoughts and emotions as i have walked, ran, stumbled, and what has felt like literally crawled on my hands and knees through this glorious thing we call life. And well, here i am again. Standing in the midst of a new season in which I feel very unprepared for. I say all this because for me, looking behind me right now is not in my interest. However, the sensible side of me knows that growth and maturity and strength are developed in the valleys. Refinement happens in the fire. And it's times like this when it's nice to know you aren't alone. That so many others have been there and have made it a day further than you, a year further than you , a lifetime further than you. And the only way to connect and find those relationships of support and strength is by being honest about where we came from and how we got here. 

Yea, all that seems like i am dancing around specifics, and well i am. Because it's not about the specifics right now. It's about the fact that sometimes we have to be brought to a place of injury in order to experience healing and restoration. We have to be broken and brought to a place where we NEED others, in order to be shown what it looks like to carry each others burdens. What it looks like to faithfully walk life with one another. To climb IN the trenches and not run away from it. It's the "fire blazing" times that remind us we can't allow our "let-downs" and wounds isolate us and jade us. It's these times that remind us, ultimately, we are all hurting and at the end of the day our hurt can impact another for the better or for the worse. We have a choice to use our pain to pour out bitterness and hate on others bc that is what we have experienced, or we can use it to humble us and offer grace, a listening ear, and true friendship of carrying each others burdens and not walking alone. We can pretend to be strong and undefeatable refusing to reveal our weaknesses, or we can truly be strong and demonstrate it by humbling ourselves and recognizing our pains and insecurities. Seeking to find truth in the midst of the storm and determined to not be controlled by the pain but rather motivated by the promise we have in Christ. 

I realize that not everyone believes or holds to a faith in Jesus, but it is a personal thing for me. It's not a high or a religious status. It is personal and deep. Because along side my journals and blogs there has always been Jesus. In the darkest nights of my soul, there was Jesus. In the decisions good and bad, there was Jesus. In the moments i was unsure of Jesus, there STILL was Jesus. Jesus isn't a pastor in the pulpit or a deacon in the church. He isn't a worship leader on stage in front of thousands or the biggest check in the offering plate. Jesus is that relationship thatm no matter how far away you, get or how broken you feel you are, he can and will be right there. Putting you back together piece by piece, replacing the broken and chipped ones. Hear me out. I am not perfect, i am real. I am human. I have questions and weaknesses. I have good habits and bad. My dependency on Jesus has absolutely NOTHING to do with anything about me. In fact the parts of me that aren't broken and whole are only because of Jesus, not myself. I say and i mean it, I am who i am because of Him. I care deeply and i hurt when i fail others. I strive to be a bigger person that my emotions want me to be...none of that is me. It's Jesus. 

Life is hard, unpredictable, and ever changing. People are broken and the truest truth i have come to know is that "hurt people do indeed hurt people". Expectations will almost always be broken and we will probably more than once find ourselves in the those seasons of dark nights of the soul. And all of that is hard to accept. However, at the end of the day I am reminded first through Christ's constancy in my life and then through the handful of true friendships that have surrounded me that I am not alone and I am not meant to do it on my own....and neither are you. I told my friend this weekend, i was an open book, and then i corrected myself and said more like an audio book. Sometimes i worry i share too much with people or get too real too fast, but at the end of the day i just want others to know that if our paths have crossed, you are not alone. You are not unworthy or company in your storm. You are not required to "war" alone. So...here i am...im not going to start all over yet with this page.  I am just going to keep moving on along the road and see what the view ahead is going to be. Seasons don't last forever...