...Just A Small Town Girl...

  Today, per usual, my brain was just a rolling with thought after thought. Its often frustrating and difficult to slow down, however sometimes those thoughts i can't help but believe are whispers from the Holy Spirit. Moments I hope to remain open and slowed down enough to take in and digest.  This morning i was in some feelings and thought, when the verse Romans 8:28 came to mind. "And we know that for those who love God all things work together  for good,  for  those who are called according to his purpose." This is a pretty popular scripture in the Word, however it is also a very commonly misinterpreted one as well. Let me preface, i am no Bible scholar. My education and knowledge has come from a long life of "hard-knocks" and through the pains and consequences of such, realizing leaning into Jesus is my only hope and peace.  This morning i thought about my life. I thought about some harder seasons i have seen. I thought of things lost and things change...

  Grief...inconsistently consistent  August 9th, 2024, CrossFit competitor with worldwide rankings, Lazar Dukic lost his life in the first competition of the 2024 CrossFit games. It shouldn't have happened. It was nothing shy of a tragedy and one no one fathomed, even more so for an athlete of his stamina and strength.  I won’t pretend to have heavily followed Lazar and I in no way knew him on a personal level. However, as a human for one, and as a passionate member of the CrossFit world, it was a news that hit deep and hard. It shouldn't have happened. August 9th, 2009 I awake to a phone call that my best friend had been tragically killed in a car accident. About to turn 19, and I had never experienced grief or pain and shock of that kind. It shouldn’t have happened. When she got in her car to go home, she was probably a total of 2 mins from pulling her car in her family garage. It shouldn’t have happened. The days ahead of me were not hard. They were excruciating. I had...

  Let’s pretend you go to the dr tomorrow and they told you, hey you’re (insert organ or choice) is in failure and not doing what it needs to do to keep you alive and the only thing at this point is for a replacement. We’ve exhausted every other avenue and the reality is if you don’t replace the organ you will die. I think the majority of people would, no brainer, say yes let’s replace it. Most people value their life and want to preserve it.   Now let’s look at this through a spiritual lens… Matthew 10:39 says ,”Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” Luke 9: 23-24  And he said to all, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it Why do these verse tend to strike fear instead of freedom and life in the Believers heart? If someone is in need of an organ for the sake of living...

  You ever just sit and think about who you are the qualities and traits that make you YOU, and pick it apart. One thing I have found myself saying is “just tell me what to do and I’ll do it”…being the internalizer I am, I’ve been tossing that around and trying to dig into whether this is a good thing or bad thing and how to change it.   What I’ve realized is I’m a single mother. And I have no choice but to lead in my home life and family life bc it’s just me. I have to make the decisions, all of them. I have to know what to do and how to do it . I have to pay the bills and plan for the unexpected. There is no option. The weight of it is overwhelming at times and exhausting. It makes it hard to assert myself in other areas. It makes it hard to even want to lead bc my energy tank is in the negatives.  Is this a bad thing in and of itself? No…not everyone was made to lead. Not everyone was given the same creative drive. However, everyone was made to do the best they can and...

  Why do we ignore the need to repair the internal damage done to our heart mind and soul, but don’t question when it’s required for a physical injury.   You sustain a physical injury, we will say you blow your knee and tear everything in it. Immediately you stop. You stop doing really anything but especially what you were doing when you sustained it. You immediately go and seek out help and guidance of a professional. They then do an extensive investigation and diagnose the exact issue and then set up a plan of solution. Most of the time and especially when the injury is bad enough, you immediately begin the process of recovery. You schedule the surgery, apply the brace, begin the weeks/months of physical therapy. All things put in place to repair the broken and damaged part of your body. This process is rarely enjoyable or comfortable. It usually involves pain and frustration. Sometimes heart breaking realities, but the typical motive is to do what we have to do to repair an...

"A picture's worth a thousand words"... I was thinking about this the other day. I had taken a selfie (insert cringe emoji) and I was looking at it and couldn't help but think about just how much a picture actually hides. There is another saying..."Talk is cheap"...and yea I do agree in the premise that talking means nothing when you don't have the actions to back it up, but talk is far from cheap. Sometimes I think we forget the power of talking and the power of our words...that power both good and bad.  Circling back to the picture I have added to this post. Looking at that pic one could assume a lot of different things. However, what happened right before this pic you probably wouldn't be able to guess. That pic was taken in the parking lot of the dr office as I was leaving from an appointment. That appointment required some unexpected blood work and lots of it, and if you know me you know that bloodwork causes me a high level of anxiety and usual...