Healing…the journey

 Why do we ignore the need to repair the internal damage done to our heart mind and soul, but don’t question when it’s required for a physical injury. 

You sustain a physical injury, we will say you blow your knee and tear everything in it. Immediately you stop. You stop doing really anything but especially what you were doing when you sustained it. You immediately go and seek out help and guidance of a professional. They then do an extensive investigation and diagnose the exact issue and then set up a plan of solution. Most of the time and especially when the injury is bad enough, you immediately begin the process of recovery. You schedule the surgery, apply the brace, begin the weeks/months of physical therapy. All things put in place to repair the broken and damaged part of your body. This process is rarely enjoyable or comfortable. It usually involves pain and frustration. Sometimes heart breaking realities, but the typical motive is to do what we have to do to repair and heal. 

So if this is the case of our physical bodies, then why is it taboo or embarrassing or so difficult to recognize that our internal parts (heart, mind and soul) need just as much attention and healing. If you really think about it, your body could have all the ability in the world to move and DO, but if your mind says different your body won’t move. It’s our mind and heart and soul that feed and fuel our bodies so it would make sense to tend to those areas just as we do the physical. 

I have learned to stop ignoring the reality of pain. I spent 6 years in an environment that was verbally,mentally, emotionally, and spiritually abusive. I lived it daily. Now I’m going on  a year and half removed from that environment and the world and enemy tells us to “flip the switch”. It’s over, you’re out of it, so live life fully now. But the reality is that’s not possible. Just like it wouldn’t be possible to tear every ligament in your knee on the basketball court, and the only thing you do is quit basketball expecting that to solve your problem. You left the basketball court, the place and activity your injury happened, so you should be able to get up and go for a run right?! That’s nuts to think, so why do we expect others to do that when the damage is internal. The reality is, you have to be patient with yourself. You have to sit in the pain and figure out a plan of action to work towards healing. You also have to accept that what’s ahead will and should look and feel different than what you’ve lived and experienced and that adapting to pain instead of correcting and eliminating it will take time to unlearn and properly heal and fix. 

I am blessed beyond comprehension. I was able to walk away from my trauma and abuse with a plethora of support behind me. I am blessed because the years I spent leaning into Jesus or trying to, He was building the strength internally in myself to be able to recognize these injuries and realize that I could choose to adapt to the pain and accept a cycle for my future, or I could make uncomfortable and hard choices. To lean into support and invest in the proper things that are daily re-wiring, rebuilding, healing, and unlearning some pretty deep and embedded lies. This is not always easy and some days I feel like I’ve landed myself two steps back but the way I see it is if it’s “steps”, that means I’m still in this game and still fighting. I’m standing and not sitting in it. 

I say all this to hopefully encourage someone. Your pain is real. Listen to it and locate it, but don’t live in it. Someone told me my fear is not valid but my source of fear is very much valid. Locating the source and seeing it for what it was, allows you to redirect and eliminate the control on what actually IS today. You can try to get by with the “ibuprofen remedy” for a while but the reality is quieting the pain is not actually correcting or healing it. And if done too long can even cause more issues elsewhere. 

I try to be wise with my journey and cautious of how and what I share bc at the end of the day sometimes we end up glorifying and giving our “pains” too much credit and power, and I don’t believe that is healthy. But I also have come to embrace the strength in prioritizing my heart mind and soul as much as I want to my physical body. 

Some days feel better than others but I’m truly experiencing the benefits of not pacifying and instead hitting it head on and doing the work to break a cycle of self pity and shame and instead embrace a journey of joy, freedom, grace and victory. 

Today was a therapy day and it felt good. It doesn’t always feel good. Today was also a gym day. And it hurt, but it felt good. It doesn’t always feel good. Today was another day to lavish and cling to the gracious love of my Savior. Not all days do I feel worthy or accepting of that. Today was a choice to keep stepping bc a step is a step and I don’t want to sit in it. I prayed years for an army of people that would surround me and love me fiercely. That would have wisdom and speak Truth into my life. That would not just accept my excuses and defeated spirit but would ask me the hard questions and push me to fight. The Lord has given me an army of support that I will probably never feel worthy of and it took me stepping into some uncomfortable places.

Today I thank God that our pains are only temporary and that there is hope of healing and restoration through Jesus.