Reacting one moment at a time...One day at a time...

I made some decisions a little while back that I was no longer going to live by the excuses in my life but rather push forward. I decided I was going to go all in. In every area of my life. Or at least that is what i am working towards. I have one life and believe that I should cherish it and treasure the time i have here. Meaning that i need to talk a lot better care of the things God has entrusted me with. A lot of that being totally new things for me outside of my comfort zone with very little background, training, or knowledge.

For example...My job. Or shall i say my career because that is genuinely what i am working towards daily is to build a lifetime career. I do sales in the food industry...an industry i have no background in (minus my advanced 6 year sub making skills)...an industry that people that are not a part of or raised in can never understand. It's tough. You either have to truly have a heart and passion pushing your drive in the restaurant business...or be plumb insane. Nothing wrong with either! Along with that I am a wife...and yes i will be the first to admit that i have attempted that role before but failed epicly. It's not a joke and it's not funny and definitely not something i am proud of BUT it is a part of who i am today. So needless to say, though I have been married before i was not successful, so being a successful wife with a God centered and honoring marriage...well I am not professional. Then there is being a step mom. Man what a blessing...I couldn't think of a greater blessing than my step son. He is an amazing and absolutely adorable almost 5 year old. Loving him is no problem...but knowing how to be a step mom is a TOTALLY foreign task for me. These are just a few of the main areas of my life that I know i am called to give 100% percent to the Lord and honor him with. The only way for me to do all this Ive come to learn all to well, is to literally lay myself down and commit it all to Jesus. Relinquish every bit of a grasp on these areas in my life BECAUSE MY grasp is unreliable. I can not trust myself to be successful in these areas bc i have no knowledge or background in it. You would not go to a plumber and have them give you a haircut or send your football playing kid to ballet lessons and expect them to return knowing how to tackle. The same for me. If i truly want to be successful and live at the full potential in these areas of my life my only option is to relinquish my control of them and hand them over to the one who CAN lead me and guide me and grow me into the professional He is calling me to be.

All of that to say..... (lol) ..... I've been asking the Lord to really change my heart. Bring to light the areas that need to be refined. Make me more like Him. Make me a reflection of the good and grace He has been in my life. Right now He's been revealing one of my many areas of needed change and growth...one word.... REACTION.

Reactions say a lot about a person and it also predicts a lot within the situation. I will be the first to say i struggle whole heartedly with this. I am a very REACTIVE person. And there is not a lot of space in between my reaction and the situation at hand. Something happens and BAM...i am freaking. I am acting upon the only "logical" emotion in that moment in time and very transparent about it. Reaction isn't a bad thing in itself. It is actually a very important thing. But it's in your reaction that point others to your heart and who you are. In my job i experience issues day in and day out that require solutions. At first my reactions were truly backed by panic bc not only was a aware of a major problem that would affect my business, but having no background and being new I had NO idea how to solve the problem or who to go to or what happens when there is no solution. Sheer panic!!!! Now, being a year and half in...I still have that moment of panic and reflection of frustration and even anger sometime but i also have begun to step back briefly...think for a moment and begin acting on a step by step plan of relieving the issue as much as possible. Today brought some issues for me...and i found myself rewinding back over today and realizing that my intense reactions to my problems depict a total lack of control to those watching in and a lack of trust. It shows that I am not confident in myself to resolve the customers problem or confident in the people behind me to help make things right. Then of course i merge that thought into my faith and realize that it also reflects a bigger issue. That if you move on up the ladder I am expressing a lack of trust in my Savior and his hand over my destiny at the end of every day. A lack of trust in the position He has placed me and a lack of trust in the woman i am in Christ. I am equipped for whatever i face because He tells me so. I do believe that but i dont live it.

I know this is a lot but it's just a small lesson of a much bigger plan and path God is guiding me on. I have SOOOO much work to do in my reactions. I am a defensive person. I don't like to see others torn down and i don't like to be torn down myself. Defense isn't bad...but i just have to remember when i set Christ at the head of my problem He IS my defender and my "go to war" tactic will look a lot different.

One day at a time...

ps...if you are reading this i apologize for the grammatical errors. I always write and post...period...then i a day or so later i will go back and proof read...just my style :-)




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