If I Only Knew Then What I Know Now....

If I only knew then what I know now....

Ever found yourself saying that? I know i have said it countless time. However, I never really took the time to think about the statement when i would say it. My favorite line is, "If i had known the true stresses of life that come when you are older, i would have never worried and stressed over the stupid stuff when i was younger."

The other day I was thinking about it. Thinking about if I could have been given a glimpse of the future when i was younger and been made aware of what all i would experience and go through, would i want it? It didnt take long for me to come to the conclusion and answer that question with a BIG HECK NO! Our minds in my opinion are our greatest enemy. The mind is a dangerous and strong force and has the power to defeat us before we even begin the battle. I began to think about my life and some of the trials and tribulations I have faced. I began to think about all the things God has truly delivered me through and guided me in. The battles that i myself alone could have NEVER overcome.

You see, I see a new blessing...the blessing of not knowing. The blessing of worrying only of today as tomorrow is none of my control. Had someone sat down with me when i was younger and said Bethany, you are going to lose your best friend in college, you are not going to marry your highschool sweatheart, you are going to experience rape first hand, you are going to get married and get divorced, you are going to lose your Papa, you are going to..... I could go on and on. Had I had known all that stuff i would have thrown in my white flag. I would have said there is no way I can live through all that. No way i can deal with that. I would have determined my mistakes were going to be far to great for a purpose. I would have seen no purpose.  When we walk through those dark seasons we find ourselves questioning and wondering and doubting, but Lord willing, we see the day where all that is a season of the past and their is still purpose and hope ahead. We realize our strength is not in man but in Christ and Christ in us. I COULD NOT walk through those fires with out the hand of something/someone so much greater and stronger than myself.

I am so thankful I do not have the knowledge of the future. I am so glad that my trials are fought in the present moment and that i do not fight those trials alone. I am thankful that my hope lies in looking back at all the things i have already overcome and knowing that that same Grace and Force leading me then is still leading me. I am thankful that all i have to tend to is today and my God tends to my tomorrows.

You never know how strong you truly are until you are face to face with the enemy that stands in your way and you can confidently take your steps forward. Running into the roar...

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

When 34 and 90 collide…

Image
  It’s 12:39am…for most people it’s hours of already nestled in sleep. For me it’s hours of thought. Memories running chaotically through the channels of my mind.   My grandma is 90…but is she? When I hear people talk about the elderly there is such a seperation. A lack of connection bc of the generations of distance that lies between the two of us. But for the first time, I’m connected. I realize that though my grandma is 90, to me she is 56, 60, 63,68,70,75…she isn’t a 90 year old elderly woman who is limited to a bed.  She is the memories of all those years. She is relatable. She is the walks to the park we took when I was young.  She is the nap times on a pallet in the living room floor below the couch while she napped to a soap opera. She is the drives in the blue car with two doors, going 25 miles per hour-slow enough to read all the mail boxes. She is the spaghetti dinner and slumber parties with initial shaped pancakes. She is beach trips and belly laughs tha...
Read more

Just keep the Journey Going...

Image
 I thought about starting over....a whole new landing page for my blogs and writings. However, the more i thought about it, the more it just didn't feel right. Just because my season has changed and things are very different, it doesn't eliminate the seasons of the past. It doesn't diminish the power of the lessons i have learned over the last 6 years and the growth that has taken place. I have said it before and if you know me on a deep level you know this, literally since i was old enough to write, i have. I have kept journals virtually my whole life from the age of probably 8 and still going strong. I have boxes of these journals and  have kept them all. I also have used blogs to capture my thoughts and emotions as i have walked, ran, stumbled, and what has felt like literally crawled on my hands and knees through this glorious thing we call life. And well, here i am again. Standing in the midst of a new season in which I feel very unprepared for. I say all this because ...
Read more

Here she goes rambling again...

Image
  Today, per usual, my brain was just a rolling with thought after thought. Its often frustrating and difficult to slow down, however sometimes those thoughts i can't help but believe are whispers from the Holy Spirit. Moments I hope to remain open and slowed down enough to take in and digest.  This morning i was in some feelings and thought, when the verse Romans 8:28 came to mind. "And we know that for those who love God all things work together  for good,  for  those who are called according to his purpose." This is a pretty popular scripture in the Word, however it is also a very commonly misinterpreted one as well. Let me preface, i am no Bible scholar. My education and knowledge has come from a long life of "hard-knocks" and through the pains and consequences of such, realizing leaning into Jesus is my only hope and peace.  This morning i thought about my life. I thought about some harder seasons i have seen. I thought of things lost and things change...
Read more