Here's to ThIrTy30

Today i turned 30 years old. It's kind of surreal. As a kid growing up i always looked at 30 as being officially "grown up" and no fun....well, i was pretty accurate then. LoL jk but really that is what i always thought. To actually have crossed over to 30 years old , i find myself in a pretty reflective spot. 30 years of life and what do i have to show for it? 

Well first off, I will be materialistic for a minute. First, i have a family to call my own. I have a husband who i know loves me and goes over and beyond to support our family and love us daily. I have a step-son I couldn't love anymore. He has grown me in ways i never knew possible and it was my first love for him that made me so dearly want to watch David be a daddy again and become a mother myself. I have a baby boy who is growing way to fast for my heart to contain and who has shown me a whole different side of love and grace i never knew existed. I have not just a house...but home.  A home i prayed long and hard for, and not just a home but a safe and loving place for our children to grow and run free. Land with protection and family surrounding it.I don't just have a job, but rather a promising career that i enjoy and look forward to daily, enabling me to help provide for my family. After 30 years, i can say i have my needs met and am beyond blessed. Even in the tougher times I am faithfully provided for. 

Now to go a bit deeper...30 years and what is there to show...i have a heart that beats fiercely for others. I have a heart that is inhabited by the creator of the Universe and Savior of the world. I have a heart, that despite the many hurts and pains I have experienced in my years this far, it does not doubt my God's love. It does not question His realness. In fact, looking back over the last 30 years...i only reached this day because of God's grace and plan for my life. In all honesty...my heart aches. It is fully aware of the realities and evils of this world. It is fully aware of humans depravity including my own. For every happy and good deed, it's a heart that seems to see double the evil and heart ache. Especially in this season and time. I have never seen so much dissension and hate amongst people in my life time. I'm watching people so consumed in opinions and news that they miss the life going on right beside them. The people still fighting for another day, and not because of covid. The children living in abusive and neglected homes. The spouses experiencing abuse. The people jobless and unsure of there next meal. The widows and elderly not just alone because of losing the one's they love, but even more alone because of the isolation Covid has caused. The people who have lost children. The addicts who are fighting every day what they feel is a losing battle. The children fighting for their lives in the sex-trafficking ring. The children waiting and praying on finding a forever-home one day. The husband and wife whose marriage is disintegrating. The soldiers still fighting and sacrificing for our freedoms. The one's fighting depression and ptsd. And on top of this, you have a virus that has only catalyzed the isolation for these people making the battle that much harder. 

Today i turned 30...and honestly i can not sit here and pretend it's the best year of my life. Because by the start of it, i do not know WHAT this year is going to bring. What i do know is that I am so thankful for what God has chose to bless me with at this place in my life. On this day, i look around me and praise God for the family and home i hold so dear. For the breath i get to take for them...not for me. Because at 30 years old i realize something...my life is NOT my own...It's not. My life belongs to the people that God has so graciously put in it. My purpose is not to wake up and have it easy with all my desires and pleasures to lay at my feet. 

No, my purpose is Proverbs 31. Matthew 5:16. Philippians 2:3-10. Ephesians 5:1. 1 Corinthians 13. I could go on and on but my point is this...Today i acknowledge that i wake up everyday to serve and love others, sharing and showing the love of God in everything i do. Now, hear me out...i fail DAILY at this. I am human and have a very human attitude and response quiet often, however i acknowledge it and accept that i truly want my life to show Jesus. I don't care about the other things. I want to live everyday of this year that the Lord gives me showing my husband how much i love him and how much God loves him through my actions and respect and service. I want to honor him and love him as fully as i know i am loved by God. I want my step son and son to see Jesus in me and want to know more as they grow. I want them to see a joy and patience in me that impacts their life pushing them to know Jesus personally. I want my family and friends to see a heart of grace and love and service and sacrifice. I want to complain less and thank more. I want to fight the spiritual battle that i see taking captive so many people around me and that has taken captive of myself for far too long. 

Today i am 30 and yes this birthday was different. But it is solidifying in alot of ways. God's grace is so real in my life and the reason is because i am a very broken and messed up person. My life is full of mistakes and sin that I can't change, and thankfully i do not have too. Because many years ago Christ took care of it and changed it that day he chose the cross for me. The day he battled and defeated death. And the day He rose, restored and renewed. I have a story...i have a testimony and honestly as broken and painful some of it may be...i hold tight to it bc it is the reality of the CROSS in my life. 

So here's to 30 years old and counting...and here's to coming back at 31 and saying i stayed faithful to the course and am still running the race and fighting the fight in gain of the greatest gift i will ever receive...the Kingdom of God. 

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